Pengakhiran

Kalau kau tanyakan pada aku, bagaimana 2014 aku berakhir, jawapannya 'suck' sekali! Tidur sekalipun tak membantu. Bangun pagi, matanya sudah membengkak. Ah, menangis serupa putus cinta! 2015, sebagai orang yang berkerjaya, aku sendiri tak tau punya kekuatan atau tidak. 

Nyah, kau pekat gelap! Apa perlunya kau mengekori aku seperti bayang-bayang? Kerna, aku manusia yang paling malang sekali, begitu?  

Tiket

Tak semua kita nak, kita dapat. Kan? Sebenarnya aku pun tengah cari mana hikmahnya tak dapat pergi majlis konvokesyen sendiri, sementelah family semua dah dapat datang. Terkilan. Ya. Tapi aku bukan orang kaya yang tiket kapal terbang tak jadi boleh beli baru. 

Life isn't fair. Well, at least to me.

Still couldn't figure out my exact feelings of knowing that I couldn't attend my own convocation's ceremony. Bitter? Frustrated? Damn it, I took seven years to finish up this degree. And in the end, not even standing on the stage. Shit things always happen. Precisely, to me. 

Lenyap

Sampai suatu masa, kau dah lelah dengan dunia. Apa saja pun tak kena. Sepertinya dunia ni tidak berlaku adil. Dan, dan kau mahu lenyap terus dari tanah pekat ini. Biar mereka meratap ketiaadaan kau. Persoalannya, ketiadaan kau, punyai kesan atau tidak. Punyai rasa kehilangan yang maha dahsyat atau tidak. Atau hanya seperti debu. 

Dingin

Kau nak rasa sesuatu yang sejuk tak?

Dia menghembus kepulan-kepulan asap kelabu seakan asap itu boleh memberikan haba.

Apa? Matanya membundar ke arah perempuan itu.

Nah.

Apa ni?

Hati aku yang dah sejuk. Beku. Dingin. Sebab kau.

Lelaki itu terkedu.

Aku sedang belajar memiliki hati yang beku. Senang. Supaya nanti-nanti tak terkecil hati lagi. Biar dingin begini. Sesekali yang  menyentuh mungkin boleh terluka sendiri. Pandai-pandailah kau rawat sendiri.

Cinta pandang pertama.

So I have this weird imagination pasal cinta pandang pertama. Pffft. Bla bla bla banyak sangat tengok cerita cinta, eh. Selalunyalah in my imaginations, bila cinta pandang pertama ni, the heroine mesti ada rambut panjang yang sangat cantik, yang dia tak sedar pun dia cantik. Bila dia look forward towards the hero, rambut dia ditiup angin. Pergh,cair. Ok, so basically number satu dia punya rambut. Secondly, from the way she laughs. Trust me, guys fall for this. It somehows shows that this heroine, knows how to enjoy her life. Cakap macam I am the guy 😑. But honestly, I love to put myself as a guy in most of my imaginations. WEIRD.

That pretty much sums up about love at first sight. Through out my life, tak pernah lagi kot cinta pandang pertama. Ke terpegun tengok someone tu considered as cinta pandang pertama? But usually, it ended right at that time. Maksudnya, the guy went to the other way, and I went to the other way. THE END. But there was one time, I jotted down some random guy punya plat number. What the hell was I thinking? That I can go ask JPJ, tuan punya nama vespa. Oh yeah,he rides vespa, makan sorang-sorang. There's this mysterious aura around him. Haha.

Cinta pandang pertama is lucky I guess, kalau seiring dengan personality. So tell me, about your cinta pandang pertama. Hee.

Misfortune

Beware of some negativity. Sigh.

I am so disappointed right now. People keep backing out and yes, life is not good God knows since when. Yes, I know we should be grateful of littlest thing that happened through our life, but truth is those grateful things were, back when I was a child. As I grow older, I keep messing up everything, studies, love life,wealth, friendship, every fucking relationship. Why? I was never the fortunate one. Always. It's like everywhere I go, misfortune will come after me.

Say alhamdulillah to whatever comes. How about always the bad luck that came? Where did the good luck have gone? Are you hiding somewhere? I'm still figuring out the whys and whatsnot, and up to this day, I haven't found any clues of why. I am so frustrated.

Eid

Baru raya keempat, and I'm already enjoying my leisure time berbaring while scrolling the videos by faizdickievp and arlinabanana. Lawak okay. That's it. Very simple celebration of raya. Semalam dah masak full course for open house, kasi chance la relax hari ni. Heee.

Happy eid mubarak!

Vivid

I woke up to such a dream that felt so real. After so long, I had no thinking of him, and yet there he was. He stood there in those vivid dream asking for forgiveness, returning back all those things I gave it to him sincerely. In the end, I dont know whether I forgive him or not. I saw his invitations of wedding with her. It must be a grand wedding, and a scrapbook made by her for him just like the one I have made for him. It felt so surreal. I was thinking of how did he feel when all the things she ever did were all exactly the same things I have done for him. Perhaps, I am still wondering because he never had a closure of our relationship with me.

For god sake, it's been one year of struggling. I had to prevent myself from getting any news about him! Why on earth suddenly those dream came chasing me back? And it's the last Ramadhan. Does God trying to give me a hint? Though I still find it hard to forgive him. I woke up later and the pain strike again. It never healed.
Those scars have always been there. Damn.

Alang

http://noorsuraya.blogdrive.com/archive/289.html

Allah, rindunya dengan Alang dan Nuha! Tempoh hari, sempat bermesej dengan kawan serumah yang sudah bekerja di Pulau Pinang, sempat berseloroh bila disuruh bekerja di sana tahun hadapan,

"Carikan Alang seorang kat saya. Kalau dah jumpa saya pergi sana,"

Lalu beberapa hari kemudian, mesej dibalas dengan ;

"Alang awak dah berkahwin dengan Nuha!"

Dan disertakan link daripada blog tuan punya buku.

Alang Rebus Tak Empuk, gelaran Nuha bagi. Comel sangat berdua ni! Walaupun Alang dah kahwin, asalkan jumpa orang persis Alang pun kira bolehlah. Alang dan rambut afro nya.

Perspektif

I
Terbang tinggi-tinggi, kemudiannya hinggap di dahan pohon.
Ada suara-suara sumbing.
Bunyi-bunyi tidak enak.
Ah, peduli apa.
Aku tumpang berteduh.
II
Kasihan, tiada tempat berteduh. Ke sini lah dia. Dibuang asal la tu.
Dasar tak berguna.
I
Ah, aku tak larat menghadap benda yang sama.
Aku mahu lihat dunia yang lebih dari apa adanya.

Juna

Arjuna beta bikin hati luluh. Paling dekat di hati ; Hiduplah Arjuna Beta.

Juna, kamu manusia yang dari tiada apa-apa punya segalanya kini. Hiduplah Juna. Pedulikan segala yang di depan kamu. Kerna, di belakangmu punya bonda dan ayahanda, senantiasa.

Tentang dia I

Masih seperti disiat-siat,
Masih berdarah,
Masih terluka.

Masih, mendakap dia yang bukan punya.
Masih, berdiri kaku menunggu dia.
Masih, di situ.
Masih, berharap.

Dia, jasad yang kaku.
Dia, yang mati, yang pegun.
Dia, yang entah jasadnya di situ, hatinya entah di mana.

Good food!

Yesterday we went to one of the famous Arab restaurant that serves the best cuisine I must say. It was worth it, for the price of 50 LE, I ate one kilogram of beef (khuruf) along with others side dishes, plus two plates of chicken. I was bloated at the end.

Anyway we went there, just to celebrate few of my good friends that finally graduated from medical school. They gonna be serving as an intern back in our country Malaysia. Good luck dear friends.

Pardon me from my bad English (very bad). I think this is the result of not using English for a long time. Been using a broken english to suit the life style here, sigh.

The happy face of yours truly.

The full course that we ordered. 

Mother & daughter

Mama : Can we just not come to your
graduation day?
Me : No
Mama : But you already have your own
boyfriend. He's gonna be there.
Me : Since when do I have a boyfriend.
( This is why you don't tell secrets
to your mother )

How?

How to not feel hurt?

Because trust me. I've tried for a thousand times, and yet the feelings is still there.

Tough times.

I used to let myself cry through all the nights and then slept soundly. One way, I'd like to think that I was so sad, with no one to turn to. Another, it was just the best way to calm myself down. And sometimes, I fell asleep with beautiful dreams came through the night. It helped me at that times. To go through tough times. Well, obviously tough times don't last.

So what do you do when you face such tough times?

Tanpa jemu.

Sayang awak.

Sayang awak gila.

Ah, ini sentiasa bikin senyum sorang-sorang. Tanpa jemu.

Can I keep you in my pocket?

We just click and just like that we share everything ( in terms of literature). Others, usually they don't really understand what I'm trying to say and let alone achieve it.

And last night, we had a girl talk. A heart to another heart piercing.

God bless you.

All that.

The other day, I had class on the O&G subject. I bet by now, you guys already figured out what the alphabets stand for. Anyway, I was feeling so sleepy at that time ( 2pm), and it was a such time consuming class before that already, I even had the imaginations of myself on the comfy bed.

 Little did I know, later Dr. Alaa came to the rescue. It was a very nice class, with a very nice speed, not too draggy or too fast furious. He explained to us maternal physiological changes during pregnancy from all aspects ; endocrinology,genital tracts, breast, skin, respiration system, urinary system etc. And my, I dare tell you we, women SUFFER a lot! And just when the thought slipped through my mind ;

"Don't worry, you will get your beautifulness, after the pregnancy," - Dr. Alaa

"With all that sorts of stretch marks whatsoever, I tell you we need extra works to be done!," - my cautious mind. 

Nevertheless, what I'm saying doesn't matter. Because boy, when you see your own kind in front of you, the feelings are just indescribable. Who would've thought that you carry that little thing in your body for nine months, and you survived. A product of your own, that little thing would have things similar to you : your eyes, lips, or perhaps your dimples! 

And all that define love.

In pursuit of becoming a doctor

We had our first class for the second week today for Obstetric & Gynaecology round. So far, I've learnt new knowledge. And I kinda like it. It's not boring. Maybe because we are learning parts of our body which we quite familiar with.

For the first time, I just knew there are few steps for palpation of abdomen in pregnancy women. I thought the doctors just feel a little bit here and there, when in facts all those palpation have their own significance. We learnt how to do fundal height, fundal grip, umbilical grip, pelvic grip. Those are the basics steps. From those steps, we can get the weeks of gestation, and even the position of the baby ( whether it's okay or not to do normal delivery whatsoever)

Anyway, at the very last of our class, my doctor taught us on how to draw blood. She said the subject is so important that she didn't understand why the university didn't put it in our last year's syllabus.

"And yet, your relatives thought you were a doctor,"

And I agreed.